(Inspired by the “Dumb Shit” chapter of Tré Miller Rodriguez’s book “Splitting the Difference: A Heart-Shaped Memoir” [whiteelephantintheroom])
Although I am grateful to have very understanding friends and I have not yet been told to “get over it,” these are the comments that have taken me aback:
- 3 days after the accident: Merry Christmas!
- 9 days after the accident: Happy New Year! Wishing you and your family a happy new year for 2014!!
- 11 days after: Try to relax. Chat soon, and don’t forget we have the rest of that TV series to finish.
- Around a month after: My mother in law recently lost her husband and has been having ups and downs too. After 61 years of marriage I think she just intensely misses her husband.
- A month after: Keep being awesome
- A month after: I just broke my ankle so I’m cooped up inside feeling the fomo [fear of missing out] of everyone enjoying Australia day
- 2 months: I hope you’re finding some normalcy again
- 2 months: [from HR personal of my work] If you are unable to return to work by XX date we will have no choice but to terminate your employment [yes actually used those words]. You would be eligible for rehire and you would be provided the same consideration as all other applicants. [Come on… you’re title is HUMAN resources! A little empathy wouldn’t hurt!]
- 3 months: Hope all is well and life is starting to resemble something normal for you.
- 3 months: I’m sorry to hear that it has been so tough for you
- 3 months: I miss my gossip buddy so if you’re even in the mood to hear me talk about my own personal dramas let me know
- 3 months: Have you ever thought of it from this angle.. From what I hear he was a truly good person. Maybe so good that God whisked him away to a higher place.
- 3.5 months: You’re doing remarkably well for only just over 3 months in (see recent post about said comment)
Although not nearly as shocking as some of the things Tré experienced (it’s still early so I may get some doozies later on), I still just find that people don’t really think sometimes.
Holy hell, this brave Millennial is blogging her way through YEAR ONE. Her willingness to grieve so openly hearkens me to the early days of White Elephant, when heart shapes from strangers kept me writing through the pain. You guys are no longer strangers to me, but after seeing her Dumb Shit List, I imagine your heart shapes might help her feel less alone on her grief path.
I found ‘White Elephant in the Room’ today and through tears, you have given me hope. My best friend was widowed just two short months ago…the elephant is so huge at this point, there is little I can say or do. So I will be gifting your book to her. Thanks for your strength and for sharing this story.
Gayson is the guy who helps me flip my 100-lb. mattress and shop for cabinet organizers. The fellow with whom I have spontaneous cooking adventures every other week. Gayson keeps all my secrets and calls out my bullshit. He’s the only person with whom I will FaceTime when I don’t have my face on. Despite his own whirlwind life, he remembers to ask me how this meeting or that date went down.
And damn if he didn’t just propose to me in a tea shop—like only your best gay could—with a Bliss Lau ring that’s a little bit diamond Jesus and a whole lotta finger corset.
For the first time in four years, I’m staring at a diamond ring on my left hand that was created just for me. And for the first time ever, the ring captures my yin and my yang but doesn’t change my last name.
I’m 20 years old, and although I haven’t lost anyone close to me, “Splitting the Difference” has changed my perspective on grief and death. The thoughts and stories you’ve shared in your memoir are allowing me to stop fearing the deaths of those close to me. Thank you for writing so beautifully, honestly and with such rawness.
I am loving these articles about you and your daughter. I can see her in you, and you in her, and I remember how I felt the first time I saw it in my birth mom. And now, how special it is to seeing it in my own daughter.
I think it’s really important for people to see positive examples of adoption (instead of the twisted Lifetime-movie version), so thank you for sharing your story!
Getting interviewed by celeb journalist Jane Mulkerrins for Grazia's UK Mother’s Day issue was absurdly flattering.
Being the subject of a photo shoot—rather than a behind-the-scenes PR girl—was a giddy, memory-making experience with Laurie.