December 2010
73 posts
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Red Candle On a Not-Blue River
Wasn’t certain where to spread your ashes today in Budapest.
But I figured the river running through the city was a good place to start?
So I packed your Cartier box next to my guidebook and took the metro to Deák Tér.
When I emerged from the station—fastest freaking escalator ever, P.S.— I could see St. Stephen’s basilica. I checked it on the map and headed west, toward the Danube.
As the...
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Red Candle On a Not-Blue River
Wasn’t certain where to spread your ashes today in Budapest.
I figured the river running through the city was a good place to start.
So I packed your Cartier box next to my guidebook and took the metro to Deák Tér.
When I emerged from the station—fastest freaking escalator ever, P.S.— I could see St. Stephen’s basilica. I checked it on the map and headed west, toward the Danube.
As the...
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Dreams of You From Budapest
It was your last night on earth and we were speaking in the same practical vein of our conversation over sushi on March 6, 2009.
In the dream, you were packing a suitcase.
In the dream, I knew you were taking a trip.
But the sequence suddenly switched from our bedroom to me at Revolución…and I couldn’t get back to us.
After realizing I had just relived your last night for a...
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Dreams of You From Budapest
It was your last night on earth and we were speaking frankly: in the same practical vein of our conversation over sushi on March 6, 2009. In the dream, you were packing a suitcase. In the dream, I knew you were taking a trip. But the sequence suddenly switched from our bedroom to me at your office at Revolución…and I couldn’t get back to us.
After realizing I had just relived your...
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Heard About Your Story...
“…from a friend and I’ve been randomly reading archived entries. Every single one of them has made me sob: the kind of crying that wrings my heart like a towel. Your story is beautiful and amazing…thank you for sharing it. — Anonymous Tumblr
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Throwback Thursday: Dreams + Do-Overs
I did not kiss Alberto goodbye.
He was lying dead on the living room floor and in my haste to leave our apartment before the coroner arrived, I forgot to remember to kiss him.
An hour or two later, it was too late. My only consolation was that I could kiss him goodbye at the viewing and that at least I’d remembered to remove his wedding ring.
Last night in Lake George, I dreamed I was in...
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Throwback Thursday: Dreams + Do-Overs
I did not kiss Alberto goodbye.
He was lying dead on the living room floor and in my haste to leave our apartment before the coroner arrived, I forgot to remember to kiss him.
An hour or two later, it was too late. My only consolation was that I could kiss him goodbye at the viewing and that at least I’d remembered to remove his wedding ring. Last night in Lake George, I dreamed I was in...
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(Like Sands in an Hourglass)
“What you convey through White Elephant in the Room posts brings tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing your story…it reminds me how precious our time is with the ones we love. — Renee, Chicago
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Truthful Tuesday: My Teeth Couldn't Stop It
Nine days before heading to Budapest, I nearly sabotaged things with The Painter.
In typical girl fashion, I wanted to define the relationship.
In typical guy fashion, I used the worst possible words.
So, I said, you’ll be in New York for New Year’s and I’ll be away. I imagine you’ll find yourself celebrating with someone. All I ask is that you are safe about it…and I’ll do the...
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This From Today's Mail Bag...
“You have been applauded on your blog for sinful behavior, which you have chosen to write about and glory in. The world worships that behavior, God does not. Sex is only allowed in marriage; otherwise it is a sin against your body and God. Scripture is very clear about that. Get right with God before you return to the States (I Cor. 10:13).” — (Semi)Anon in America
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So,This Is Christmas: Ashes, Acqua Alta + Lost...
The 6am bells of St. Mark’s are ringing.
It’s a few hours after Christmas Eve Mass at the most beautiful church I’ve ever seen.
More ethereal than anything in Barcelona.
More reverent than Brasil.
More maintained than Cuba.
More relevant than Westminster Abbey.
Also, the canals and streets of Venice don’t know how to take a bad picture.
Or sell a bad bottle of...
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So This Is Christmas: Ashes, Agua Alta + Lost...
The 6am bells of St. Marks are ringing.
It’s a few hours after Christmas Eve Mass at the most beautiful church I’ve ever seen.
More ethereal than anything in Barcelona.
More reverent than Brasil.
More maintained than Cuba.
More relevant than Westminster Abbey.
Also, the canals or streets of Venice don’t know how to take a bad picture.
Or sell a bad bottle of prosecco.
...
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Fly Away (But Not On Christmas Day)
We always boarded a plane on December 25th.
All the festive stuff—family dinner, gift exchanges, church—would happen the night before, on Noche Buena.
Apparently, it’s a Latino thing.
(A Latino thing that this Irish-Portuguese-German-Scottish girl embraced at the ass crack of dawn every Christmas.)
The first two years we went to Miami.
The next two were spent in Quebec.
Last year I cringed at...
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(A Few Words About Your Words)
“I have been following White Elephant in the Room for a while and want you to know that you’re courageous, insightful and your words mean so much to many others. The perspective you provide is important to us all, for our pasts and for our futures.” — Melissa, D.C.
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In Other News, I Met A Painter.
Two months ago, the Wedding Date was entertaining clients in a Times Square hotel bar and asked me to join him.
It would’ve been our second date.
If I’d actually met up with him.
I arrived at the address of a slightly seedy hotel with a very closed lobby bar just as he texted me his room number.
Um, not what I signed up for.
I replied with a dismissive text—enjoy the minibar but I’m out like...
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Let's Fly Away (But Not On Christmas Day)
We always boarded a plane on Christmas Day.
All the festive stuff—family dinner, gift exchanges, church—would happen the night before, on Noche Buena.
Apparently, it’s a Latino thing.
(A Latino thing that this Irish-Portuguese-German-Scottish girl embraced at the ass crack of dawn every Christmas.)
The first two years we went to Miami.
The next two were Quebec.
Last year I cringed at the idea...
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Where Sugar Plums Dance
Last December, I texted Alberto’s business partner about whether we should get tickets to The Nutcracker?
For tradition’s sake?
I chalked up his lack of reply to ambivalence and didn’t press the question.
A few weeks ago, I mentioned it over dinner.
Not this year. We’re all going to South Africa, he said, and aren’t you heading to Italy soon?
True enough.
So no Nutcracker this year.
No Alberto...
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My Teeth Couldn't Stop It.
Nine days before heading to Budapest, I nearly sabotaged things with The Painter.
In typical girl fashion, I wanted to define the relationship.
In typical guy fashion, I used the worst possible words.
So, I said, you’ll be in New York for New Year’s and I’ll be away. I imagine you’ll find yourself celebrating with someone. All I ask is that you are safe about it…and I’ll do the...
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Where Sugar Plums Dance
Last December, I texted Alberto’s business partner about whether we should get tickets to The Nutcracker?
For tradition’s sake?
I chalked his lack of reply up to ambivalence and didn’t press the question.
This year, I brought it up again over dinner.
Not this year. We’re all going to South Africa, he said, and aren’t you heading to Italy soon?
True enough.
So no Nutcracker this year.
No Alberto...
5 tags
In Other News, I Met A Painter.
Two months ago, the Wedding Date was entertaining clients in a Times Square hotel bar and asked me to join him.
It would’ve been our second date.
If I’d actually met up with him.
I arrived at the address of a slightly seedy hotel with a very closed lobby bar just as he texted me his room number.
Um, not what I signed up for.
I replied with a dismissive text—enjoy the minibar but I’m out like...
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Fear of Heights? Find the Tallest Mountain in Rio....
I’m often asked if Alberto’s will specified that his ashes should be spread all over the world?
The answer is no.
There was no explicit request, other than cremation.
My ash-spreading ritual can be humbly traced to a single, off-the-cuff idea that occurred while I packed for Fourth of July in New Hampshire.
It felt surreal to be going without him, to be packing for only one. My suitcase was on the...
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Fear of Heights? Find the Tallest Mountain in Rio....
I’m often asked if Alberto’s last will and testament specified that his ashes should be spread all over the world?
The answer is no.
There was no explicit request, other than cremation.
My ash-spreading ritual began with a single, off-the-cuff idea as I packed for Fourth of July in New Hampshire.
It felt surreal to go without him, to be packing for just one person. My suitcase was open on the...
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Let's Fly Away (But Not Christmas Day)
Alberto and I always boarded a plane to somewhere on Christmas Day.
All the festive stuff—family dinner, gift exchanges—happened the night before, on Noche Buena.
Apparently, it’s a Latino thing.
A Latino thing that this Irish-Portuguese-German-Scottish girl effing embraced at the ass crack of dawn every Christmas.
Our first two years, we went to Miami.
Our last two were spent in Quebec.
Last...
4 tags
(A Few Words About Your Words)
“I have been following White Elephant in the Room for a while and want you to know that you’re courageous, insightful and your words mean so much to many others. The perspective you provide is important to us all, for our pasts and for our futures.” — Melissa, D.C.
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The Art of Gifting? Pay Attention.
Among my family and friends, I had a reputation as a good gifter.
But Alberto had the uncanny talent—and a platinum card—for buying the best version of exactly what you needed or privately lusted after.
His gift for gifting held me to a new standard.
And until our last Christmas together, my batting average was 0 for 3.
On our last anniversary, the traditional gift was leather so he got me a...
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Your Words Need to Be Read...
“A few months ago, I stumbled on White Elephant In the Room. I started at the beginning…and couldn’t stop reading or digging for more information. When my husband came through the door that night, I hugged him with puffy eyes and didn’t want to let go. Through you, I am constantly aware that our favorite person can be taken from us in an instant. Your writing takes me to a...
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(Your Words Need to Be Read...)
“A few months ago, I stumbled upon White Elephant In the Room. I started at the beginning…and couldn’t stop reading and digging and googling for more information. When my husband came through the door that night, I hugged him with puffy eyes and didn’t want to let go. Through you, I am constantly aware that our favorite person can be taken from us in an instant. Your...
4 tags
The Art of Gifting? Pay Attention.
Among my family and friends, I had a reputation as a good gifter.
But Alberto had the uncanny talent—and the platinum card—for buying the best version of exactly what you needed or privately lusted after.
His gift for gifting held me to a new standard.
And until our last Christmas together, my batting average was 0 for 3.
On our last anniversary, the traditional gift was leather so he got me a...
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(Here's to You)
“You are strong, brave and beautiful…an inspiration in resilience and truth. Never stop writing.” — Maryanne, Virginia
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(Here's to What You Do)
“You are strong, brave and beautiful…an inspiration in resilience and truth. Never stop writing.” — Maryanne, Virginia
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(For The White Elephant on The Beach)
“Your photo is stunning: so tasteful and perfectly tied-in with your accompanying post. And what an amazing outpouring of reader support! I commend you for sharing this…I think know it’s exactly what your dearest Alberto would want and expect of you. He’s definitely smiling today at you…and your headphones.” — Grace, North Carolina
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Topless Tuesday + Other Epiphanies
Buying anything from McDonald’s.
Cooking meat.
Wearing heels with short skirts.
Driving from NYC to New Hampshire.
Going topless in public.
Can you guess the category?
Things I Refused to Do When Alberto was Alive.
I’ve done each of these things over the past year in some warped, retroactive attempt to impress him.
Only to realize how stupid and close-minded I was when he was alive....