February 2012
24 posts
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(10 Nights with the White Elephant)
“I started reading White Elephant in the Room from the beginning and I have spent the past 10 nights trying to find out what happens next. I just got up to date and can’t believe what an amazing journey you have been on. You are a great writer and I am wishing you all the best!” — Carla, England
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Landing Pages
Whenever I needed a dose of Alberto’s spirit, his ad agency was where I went:
The rise and fall of Spanish-speaking voices, the hum of iMacs and industrial printers, the tinny bass of employees’ headphones.
In the three months since the agency closed, I’ve had to get creative.
I’ve found him in well-timed heart shapes on the street, in his goddaughter’s pout, in my lack of fear when I call the...
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(Beyond the 'What-Ifs')
“My 26-year-old friend was preparing to celebrate her second wedding anniversary and instead, has found herself a widow. I heard her say ‘why couldn’t he had gotten stuck at a red light one intersection before?’ and ‘why couldn’t he had taken a different route home?’ Echoes of your ‘what ifs’ floated through my head and while I can’t pretend to know her pain, at least I know what not to...
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Flashback Friday: What Legacy Looks Like
Of all that is considered Alberto’s Legacy, the gift with the most profound impact on me is the maxim he lived by:
Do the thing you are most dreading. And do it now.
He took this idea out of the ether and applied it to his daily life.
As in, don’t procrastinate or bury your head in the sand about your finances, deadlines, promises or goals.
Write To-Do Lists often.
Complete them swiftly.
...
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(Tour Guide for Many)
“As a fellow widow, I find the words and stories of White Elephant in the Room truly comforting, even when they are heartbreaking. Your ‘rest stops & mile markers’ are invaluable to me. Thank you…from one of the many you’re helping through the grief.” — Anon in America
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Love + Expiration Dates
I’m getting married, a girlfriend announces in her sweet-like-syrup drawl.
Congratulations! I gush. When? Who’s the guy?
Wedding is Wednesday, she replies. We only just met…last week.
Whoa.
There’s a good reason why it’s happening so fast, she adds. And why I’m calling you out of the blue.
I expect her to say she’s expecting.
Instead, she exhales a string of sentences that slay me:
...
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Nine Steps Ahead
Since meeting Phyllis, I find myself applying mascara before heading out for paper towels.
Got reading material?
Is your phone charged?
Did you eat dinner?
(Never know when 15 minutes might turn into eight hours at an ER.)
Suddenly, my mundane errands seem charged with purpose:
That guy dressed like Great Gatsby whose bike is unsteady?
The nanny who’s only paying attention to one of her...
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(Girl on the Verge)
“After reading just a few pages of White Elephant in the Room, I have tears running down my face. The photos, your words, this story: all amazing. I cannot wait to discover the rest. I can’t wait to purchase the book and tell everyone I know about it. I feel honored to have found you before the rest of the world does!” — Ali, Chicago
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Throwback Valentine: Heart-Shaped Puzzle
Last February 14th, I shared pictures of my graffiti heart project.
And was surprised by the reactions:
Why didn’t you text me?
If you do this next year, I’m in like sin.
Yo, I want to make Valentines for New York City.
I’d blushed and promised to throw a heart party next February.
Didn’t really mean it.
A few weeks ago, a girlfriend asked why hadn’t I sent out the invite yet?
To what?
...
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Golden Rules
The cast of my memoir includes plenty of dead people, but one of the live, off-camera characters who has helped shape the book is author Claire Bidwell-Smith.
In addition to being 30-something and a former New Yorker, her just-released memoir, The Rules of Inheritance, also stars several dead people. Her parents, specifically. By the time she was 25, cancer would claim both their lives. In...
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(New Sense of Place)
“Is it just me or is your story…transforming? These recent excerpts and your reunion with Laurie are moving this tale—and my perspective—into new territory. I’m loving all of it. Don’t stop!” — Celeste, England
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Wednesdays With Phyllis
The morning after my ambulance adventure with Phyllis, I stopped by her building.
The doctor gave her an antibiotic prescription, I explained to the doorman. Perhaps she needs someone to drop it off?
Pharmacy delivered it an hour ago, he replied. But thanks for checking.
On the day her stitches were scheduled for removal, I stop in again.
Phyllis? She left an hour ago, another doorman...
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(Inspired Explosions)
“Ten days ago, someone recommended White Elephant in the Room to me. For 10 days, I’ve been voraciously devouring your story. Even though I can relate to loss, I love watching your rebirth, revisions and reunions. The joie de vivre that continues to explode out of you is so inspiring….keep sharing your story! I’m looking forward to the book!” — Heather, Cleveland
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Security Detail
If writing a memoir is like surgery without anesthesia, revising a memoir is like watching a video recording of the surgery: those are my guts? but there’s so much blood! how did the scar ever heal?
I’ve spent the past week rewinding and pausing the video, looking for moments that illustrate how the death of my brother shaped my teenage self and later, my widowed self.
In the distillation process,...
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Bang Bang
This week, my agent delivered memoir feedback that finds me adding more backstory on who I was before I became a wife.
I’ve hauled out the journal from my West Hollywood years.
Laughed and cringed and cried my way through the last relationship I had before Alberto.
In 2003, I had fallen in love with an Egyptian lawyer named Amoun.
Five months later, he ended it suddenly.
I did not take it...